i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
