your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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