ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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