saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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