I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
