I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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