So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
