Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dear god my vagina.
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