True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
