That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
