u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
