What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
