he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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