where am i from again
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
