That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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