Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
