if only i could text you this smell
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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