I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you never un-have a 4some
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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