I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
