You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
