ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
