I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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