i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
