I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
