I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
