That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
