Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I can't turn off my feet"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
