...so i touched it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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