bring money and cleavage
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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