I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
