it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
