I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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