Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
