I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Can I color on your dick again?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
