i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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