So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
