and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
