dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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