youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You are the jesus of drinking
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
