how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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