my shit smells like andre
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
