She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
