Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
