This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
