Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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