Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
