Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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