Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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