Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
