WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
