People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
