It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
