Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
