she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
