I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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