The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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