It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize