I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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