I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
